Ok folks, help us out. Strange Proportion currently has #11 Google rank for “cubicle decorating guidelines” and we would really like to get a bit higher. And we can’t do it ourself. We need your help. Click the link and (unless you have your results per page turned up) head to page 2. Click on Strange Proportion. Come on! It’s so easy, and it’s for science! And meanwhile, while you’re hard at work on that, we’ll work on a little lesenwerte Schrift.

We offer the following as an additional bonus: If our faithful reader(s) manage (and by all means, use proxies!) to get Strange Proportion to #1, we’ll actually post an entire page devoted to clever ideas for decorating a cubicle. And we mean clever.

Update [04-15-2005]: We’ve brought it out of beta and into production: The Official Strange Proportion Feng Shui Cubicle Design Course has been launched! The Google seach result now links to there, not here.

Update [04-20-2005]: You thought it was all a joke, but it’s not a joke!

OK, I did my bit for the gang; I clicked THREE TIMES. So, in your cubicle decorating ideas, please include ideas that would also work for a large walk-in closet that doubles as a workspace: cubicle a lá home office.

I did my part, too. Three clicks with difffernt IP addresses each time. Plus, a public posting of the URL in association with the term Cubicle Decorating Guidelines.

DUDE! You're number One now, AND number Twleve !! Time to cough up a new article :-)

Do you realize the potential influence you now have on the Internet community? We could leverage this into a movement...

Um... I'm not sure which Google you're looking at, but when I load it, I'm still just #11. This is either a regional update glitch on Google's part, or you're on crack, Mr. Blowhard.

i get directed to this very page, which has the sentence stating that you're number 11. that's called something, i'm sure, the self-referential error, or something more latin sounding, probably. anyway. i totally clicked. now get busy with the advice. and i second YAFS's suggestion.

This situation is pretty tricky. As much as I appreciate everyone's help, and as much as I've always sworn to remember all the little people when I get to the top, it simply wasn't you who got me to #1. The Googlebot must have stopped by and indexed my page titled "Cubicle Decorating Guidelines" and figured out for itself that my page was most appropriate.

I'll still write the guidelines, but recent weather dictates that I spend more time outside, and less time glued to a computer. Sorry, but you'll just have to be patient.

Well, maybe we can pool our own suggestions since Mr. Proportion has bailed on us . . . I can suggest Christmas twinkle lights, the tiny kind, multiple strings draped around the perimeter of your working space. Nothing blinking and white is the least distracting. Provides an air of festivity whether or not you celebrate Christmas and regardless of what time of year it is. Use a mix of single strings as well as the icicle lights that have strands that drape down. Several yards of white organza wrapped around the lights also adds a sense of intimacy and subtlety to your decorating scheme, inviting people to come in, sit down and klasch, but may also say something you possibly may not want said about you.

False advertising, I fear, is a crime of which you may be guilty, Mr. Proportion. I'll go along with YAFS. I suggest installing a leafy green plant, of the low-maintenance variety. Or several. Spathiphylum (peace lily), spider plants, sansieveria (mother-in-law's tongue), and dracaena marginata (Madagascar dragon tree) are all excellent choices. And what about just putting up a calendar with pictures you like? It's easy and surprisingly effective.

Well, y'all are certainly thinking inside the cube on this one. I was thinking more like flying a jolly roger and wearing an eyepatch, or making it look like the inside of a submarine a la Das Boot. Then again, there's always the fuzzy kittens and cuteness overload effect.

Just give me a few days. I'll come up with something, I swear.

Like this is more what I had in mind (a real example, posted to a competing "cubicle decorating ideas" site by Kelly):

"Our office is having a cubicle decorating contest. Our team thought of decorating a cubile [sic] to look like a life size Gingerbread House...any ideas?? —Sheila"

"Sheila—I can see many possibilites for your very cute idea. I would use light brown (ginger colored) cardboard to make the outside of the "gingerbread" house. It might be cute to make brick-like shapes, rather then just one big sheet of cardboard. I am thinking office supplies could be used for decorating the house. Bubble wrap could be used for snow, a snow person, or to make icicle's [sic]. Shredded paper could also be used for snow. You could make your chimney using spent ink cartridges, floppy discs, or similar matter. Paper clips can be made into garlands. Maybe you can enlarge photos of your team members (or company bosses) and have them looking out of your gingerbread house window. You could use commonly used rubber stamps (such as "copy" or "original") to outline the windows and doors. —Kelly"

Yes, it is charming, but cubicle decorating can't require a lot of extra (unpaid) time in the office. You wanna be doin' other stuff. Cubicle decorating should occur in a kind of attrition, like archeological layers, with, at most, no more items than can be carried easily in a box or bag brought in day by day as inspiration strikes you. So, yes, yes, by all means think outside the box, but heavenly days, make it easy on yourself.

Run down to your local hardware store and get a canvas dropcloth, such as is used for house painting. Head over to your local craft store and check out the abundance of fabric paints: matte or shiny colors, glitter, puff paints, metallic finishes. Purchase a selection of tubes that have tips that can be used straight from the tube. Leave them tastefully strewn around your cubicle. The dropcloth can be draped over the wall of your cubicle and as time and inclination strike you, you can draw pictures, graffiti, lists, etc all over the cloth. Invite others who drop by to add their ideas (beats having the entertain them when you're trying to meet a deadline). When you perceive that it is finished, it can be used as a rug back home and another can take its place. Think of this as an evolving decorating scheme.

you are so very awesome! i am awestruck! uhmmm.... and more words with awe. also, shhh. i can hear you sniggering, and it isn't gentlemanly.